Backbiting in Islam: Do’s & Don’ts
How does backbiting begin?
Maybe you feel you’ve been wronged by someone, and want to talk about your feelings to a loved one. Eventually, this leads to you saying negative things behind that person’s back.
Maybe you’re with your friends or relatives, and there’s some sort of drama. Talking about it feels exciting. It almost makes you feel giddy.
Or maybe you simply have nothing else to talk about, and you’re used to it. Backbiting and talking about others is your norm. It’s your go-to conversations, it’s your entertainment.
Now, I’m sure you know backbiting in Islam is considered a major sin. If it’s said behind someone’s back, and it’s not praise but negative things, it’s considered backbiting. Even worse is if you talk behind someone’s back and what you’re saying is a lie – that is slander.
Backbiting in Islam is equated to eating the flesh of your dead brother.
So, knowing all this, why do we do it?
Maybe you didn’t realise just how sinful backbiting in Islam is. In that case, this is your sign to stop this harmful habit.
Below are some tips that I’ve taken from the amazing ‘My Dear Heart’ series by Dr Haifaa Younis, on how you can stop backbiting (I have linked all the source links at the end of this post)
Habit is also a keyword here. For those who backbite, especially those who know how sinful backbiting is in Islam, they may still do it because they’re used to it. In other words, it’s a habit.
In this case, using the tips below as well as practical tips on breaking and forming new habits will help you overcome this extremely harmful habit.
Related:
Patience in Islam: The Story of Zaynab bint Muhammad ﷺ
Creating Your Personalised Tazkiyah Plan
How To Pray Salah Consistently (& Never Miss It Again!)
How to Stop Backbiting in Islam
Remind others not to backbite
When you catch yourself backbiting with others, try to steer the conversation in another direction by reminding them how you are all disobeying Allah by doing this, and therefore you need to stop.
Did you know that your good deeds are actually given to those you backbite about? And at the same time, their bad deeds will come to you? Why waste away your precious good deeds that you worked so hard for, especially on someone you may not particularly get along with?
When it comes down to it, everything comes down to your scale of good and bad deeds. This world, these words we say are so fleeting. But your actions are forever.
Leave the conversation if the backbiting continues
If those around you continue backbiting and choose to ignore what you said, physically leave the conversation.
This may be hard to do especially if you’re having to leave a group of people you wanted to hang out with. But remind yourself that you are doing this for the sake of Allah, and for the sake of your Akhirah. You are doing the right thing.
Who knows? There may also be someone else like you in the group who agrees with you and eventually decides to join you.
Focus on your own shortcomings
Now, if you’ve managed to change the conversation successfully, or fled the scene to get away from the backbiting, don’t put yourself on a moral high ground because you’ve done this.
Yes, what you’ve achieved is a tough and ultimately, a success. But it was Allah who guided you to come to this point, so give your thanks and praise to Him.
At the same time, you can make Dua for your loved ones who are engaging in the backbiting and pray to Allah to guide them on the straight path and take them away from this sin.
Focus on your own shortcomings because you might have overcome the temptation of backbiting now, but you never know what could happen next time.
As said before, backbiting is like a habit. And similarly with habits like exercise or eating healthily, you need to do it repeatedly to get used to doing it.
Likewise, you need to constantly remind yourself so you don’t do it again.
There are instances in which you can say something negative about someone else, as outlined by Dr Haifaa Younis. However, whatever you say has to be to the truth and to the point. Don’t embellish the details, simply say what you need to say and move on. If you’d like to know more, definitely watch this episode of her ‘My Dear Heart’ Series.
Related:
Dunya and Deen – How to Balance Both (Part 2)
What is Taqwa? Qualities & How to Attain It
How To Be A Better Muslim (+ Centre Your Life Around Islam!)
A Simple Guide On Making Duas In Islam
Praying Salah On Time: The Five Anchors Of The Day
How to Repent for Backbiting in Islam
Ask for forgiveness
If you know the person well enough, and know that if you ask them for forgiveness it won’t blow up into a huge conflict, and they are likely to forgive you, in the first instance, ask for forgiveness.
Pray for them
If you don’t know that person, they have passed away, or they’re gone for some reason, pray for them and do good deeds on their behalf. This could be giving money to charity on their behalf, for example.
As well as this, praise them on their good qualities to other people. Praising someone behind their back isn’t backbiting, it is only when you say something negative about the person that it is considered backbiting.
Here is the 4-step process to repent for anything, including major sins. If you follow these steps with good intentions and sincerity, there is no way you won’t be forgiven for your deeds.
What do you do when you hear something bad someone said about you?
Don’t believe it.
‘Tale-carrying’, or in other word’s telling someone something that has been said about them, is disobeying Allah, and therefore should be ignored.
Even if this person is telling the truth, you should not take their words to heart and should not believe it.
Instead, tell that person you don’t want to hear about it and that the action they are doing is actually worse than backbiting.
Try not to let their words affect you and cast it away from your mind. This is a really hard thing to do but is so worth the effort. As well as this, do not go and start spying on that person who said something about you, and make yourself paranoid over these words.
Simply cast it away from your mind and keep it moving.
Backbiting is an example of this. By backbiting constantly you put yourself in holes that you’ve forgotten that you dug. As well as this, actively engaging in bad sins in your life are mistakes that will lead you to the hellfire.
As well as this, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said that a person should speak good or stay quiet.
Simply put, if you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything at all. When you speak, speak so that it pleases Allah. Filter yourself before you vocalise your thoughts.
If you’re the kind of person who feels the need to be constantly in other people’s company’s and often get carried away with the conversations that lead to backbiting, practice spending time by yourself,.
Focus on yourself – your goals, wishes, desires, not on what other people are doing with their lives.
The more you restrain yourself, the more you will inspire a spirit of goodness, warmth and comfort in your conversations, not suspicion, mistrust and dishonesty.
Key Points – Backbiting in Islam: Do’s & Don’ts
- How to Stop Backbiting in Islam: 1. Remind others not to backbite 2. Leave the conversation if the backbiting continues 3. Focus on your own shortcomings
- How to Repent for Backbiting in Islam: 1. Repent 2. Pray for those you were backbiting about
- What do you do when you hear something bad someone said about you? Don’t believe it.
- Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said that a person should speak good or stay quiet
SOURCES:
Do you backbite? | My Dear Heart Ep. 11 | Ramadan Series with Dr. Haifaa Younis | Jannah Institute
Why backbite? | My Dear Heart Ep. 12 | Ramadan Series with Dr. Haifaa Younis | Jannah Institute |
Can you control your tongue? | My Dear Heart Ep. 13 | Dr. Haifaa Younis | Jannah Institute |
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